My wife looked out the kitchen window this morning and said I should come look and see it for myself.

There were about twenty cornstalks there last night. Each with fat delicious ears. And pumpkins in between them. It was beautiful. And in one night, something showed up and ravaged my corn patch. It wasn’t squirrels. Squirrels don’t have mouths that can strip a cob down like this.

Charlie and I talked about it. He thinks it was probably a lion that ate the corn. I’m not sure I agree. It might be a lion, but it might also be raccoons or possums or deer. You can’t really see it in this picture, but little ants are picking the last bits of goodness out of corn carcass.

This picture shows how whatever it was ate the stalks down to the ground in some places.

For maximum effect, it should have salted the earth, so that nothing would ever grow there again. Maybe it’s waiting for next year. Something similar happened last year.

It doesn’t matter. Next year, those raccoons / possums / super squirrels / lions / deer / garden gnomes or hobbits are in for a violent end. So violent that I will video it and post it to youtube and then watch it get taken down after children everywhere scream in horror after watching it.

8 thoughts on “F U NATURE. THIS MEANS WAR.

  1. I wonder…. does your municipality has any issues with hunting/trapping game on your property?

    You could have a complete meal if you nab one of the varmints.

  2. Hi Mike! I think that Cleveland Heights cops have bigger problems than me making bambi and friends snuff films, but I guess we'll find out 🙂

    But seriously, I already have a humane live trap and I intend to relocate anything I catch to one of the big parks nearby.

  3. We had a similar problem with squirrels and pumpkins, and my wife dumped a whole (big) bottle of Tabasco sauce on them. They ate the pumpkins anyway, although I am sure that we will, one day, find the remains of an exploded squirrel.

  4. I really need to try something like that. One guy at the garden center said he mixes up habanero peppers and corn oil in a blender, then sprays it on his plants.

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